A year ago.. How things have changed.. or maybe not.

A year ago I posted this blog post on my lost blog.. March 2010 :

100 Days To Go.

Time is running. It seems like yesterday was the first day of this year, with all those hopes and dreams, with all that optimism and determination to set things straight. It began, and it passed by.. and I’m only 100 days away from the end.  

Whenever I remember that soon it will all be over, that soon all my frustration will reach an end, I smile. Even thought I am scared, very scared from what lies ahead. It’s like a dark tunnel which I don’t know to where it’ll lead. It’s like the deep side of the swimming pool to a child who doesn’t know who to swim. I fear the future. I fear the darkness. I fear the unknown.

Whenever I remember that in 100 days my journey will end, all the buildings I got used to, all the signs I passed by on the way, all the familiar faces I used to see. I can’t help but almost tear.

At some days when everything goes wrong I curse the day I chose to be in this place, and on others whenever I ease a pain or make a person smile I feel happy again. Yet there’s always this little voice in my head that whispers, is this what you really want to be?. This doubt never seems to go away, why? I don’t know. I wish I could make it stop, I really do.

I need a purpose, a goal. Something to look forward to everyday. I thought I had it but suddenly I lost it, where did go?! I don’t know.

I need to forget how I feel, and carry on with whatever it is I’m supposed to do. I need to not think anymore. I need to Focus. Focus. Focus. And nothing more.

Coz they are only 100 days to be.. then it will all be over.

 A whole year passed, I don't know know what to say.
P.S. my graduation ceremony takes place tomorrow morning.. I'm having mixed feelings about it.